


Could Roses Bloom?

by un_petit_oiseau



Category: Star Trek: Voyager
Genre: F/F, First Time, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, Janeway is thirsty, Light Angst, Pining, Porn with Feelings, Seduction, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-19
Updated: 2017-02-28
Packaged: 2018-09-25 15:28:40
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,656
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9826451
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/un_petit_oiseau/pseuds/un_petit_oiseau
Summary: Captain Janeway has fallen in love with Seven of Nine, but she can't let it show. Starfleet captains trapped in the Delta Quadrant don't have room to be human. But Seven has other ideas.





	1. Sinking

Captain Kathryn Janeway couldn’t sleep. She supposed that fact wasn’t too surprising, given her average daily coffee intake lately. But, upping her caffeine levels wasn’t really the cause of her insomnia; it was merely the symptom of a different issue, one that she could barely face even in the relative privacy of her own thoughts. _Not the time to dwell on it, Katie. You’re supposed to be on your way to the bridge to relieve Harry, remember?_

She shook her head, hard, to dispel any lingering thoughts about her little problem, and stepped into the turbolift.

“Computer, Deck 1.”

When she entered the bridge, Harry turned, looking only slightly surprised to see her.

“Captain.”

“Ensign. Consider your duty shift over; I can’t seem to relax, so you might as well.”

Harry opened his mouth in protest, but then reconsidered. “Yes, Captain.” He stood and started towards the turbolift, turning back toward Kathryn just before reaching the doors.

“Captain, if I may, this is the third time in the last few weeks that you’ve taken the rest of my Gamma shift on the bridge in addition to working your full Alpha shift. Not to mention how many double and triple shifts you’ve worked in the last several months. I…I hope that whatever is keeping you up is resolved soon. I speak for everyone when I say that we need our captain to stay healthy.”

Kathryn smiled wanly at him, her mouth quirking only slightly upward, aware that her command mask must be a little worse for the wear; Harry wasn’t usually so forward. “Thank you for your concern, Harry. Dismissed.”

She lowered herself stiffly into her chair then, focusing her eyes and mind on the large screen in front of her, coffee mug grasped lightly in both hands. She gazed at the immensity of space, slightly distorted by _Voyager_ ’s warp field, stars and planetary systems streaming quietly by. The two other people on the bridge, ensigns whose names escaped her for the moment, worked intently at their duty stations. The silence in the bridge and _Voyager_ ’s smooth flight through what seemed to be an unremarkable sector of the Delta Quadrant lulled her into a false sense of security, her mind beginning to drift back to the reason she was awake at this truly beastly hour, despite driving herself so hard around the clock for…how long had it been?

Her hands clutched tighter around the mug, shaking slightly with a mixture of over-caffeination, fatigue, and anxiety. She willed her command mask fully back into place, but she couldn’t prevent the thoughts bubbling up, only hide them completely from being detected by others. She was the captain, dammit. Where was her self-discipline? With a rueful shake of her head, she finally gave in, allowing herself to put into words – if only in the deepest, darkest recesses of her mind – what was really bothering her. _Seven of Nine_. That beautiful, enigmatic, frustrating, dangerous, intimidating, brilliant, more-empathetic-by-the-day addition to Voyager’s crew.

Kathryn drew in a deep, only slightly uneven, breath. Seven of Nine. She was quickly becoming indispensable to the ship, her obvious intellect and unwavering competence earning her respect – if not liking – from the crew. And from Kathryn. Well, more than just respect, to be honest. Seven had captivated her even as a drone – bald, emotionless, plated in glittering black. She couldn’t really explain her decision to sever Seven from the Collective, but she hadn’t regretted it, at least not until it became clear to her that her feelings for Seven weren’t _just_ protective instincts or professional admiration. No, she had been fighting this awareness for a long time: she, Kathryn Janeway, was infatuated with Seven of Nine. And it was totally inappropriate.

Not only was she almost two decades older than Seven, but she was the _captain_. Captains did not harbor romantic feelings for their crew members. They especially did not harbor romantic feelings for crew members that they had effectively coerced onto their ships. Starfleet did have certain protocols regarding interpersonal relationships among officers, but Kathryn knew that none of them really applied to her situation. As one of only a few female captains in the Federation, she was held to a much higher standard – shows of emotion, specifically of the baser variety, could be grounds for a tribunal if observed by the wrong person. Furthermore, she far outranked anyone on her ship, so pursuing any of her crew members would violate the ethical code that officers must uphold. Finally, while the damaging social views on sexuality of previous centuries had relaxed considerably in her time, people who operated outside of the heterosexual framework were still a rarity, and Kathryn had always felt more comfortable keeping the “bi” part of her sexuality private. Certainly her Traditionalist upbringing didn’t help; she was more familiar with effortful “acceptance” and clenched smiles at any mentions of queerness than with open-armed welcomes of a variety of identities, and she had always done her level best to fit in. She supposed that therapy of some sort could help her deal with her identity, but _Voyager_ had no Counselor.

In short, her reactions were, as Seven would say, unacceptable. She knew it, and she thought that she had managed to hide them completely from everyone, even herself. The one comfort she had was that her almost iron control of body language and facial expressions meant that, even when she slipped up, no one could truly guess what she was thinking or feeling. _Thank goodness for that, Katie. You’d’ve lost everyone’s respect long ago, otherwise._

But, oh how she wished that it could be different. She fell briefly into flashes of fantasy: a smiling Seven caressing her cheek; Seven’s arm draped around her waist, Tuvok, B’Elanna, and Tom Paris exchanging jokes with her and Kathryn by turns; lively music and conversations filled with joyful laughter, a breathless dance, Seven light in her arms; warm darkness and sweet silence, Seven’s curiously clean and wintry scent filling her nostrils, soft words breathed into her ear – _No!_ the rational part of her mind screamed.

Kathryn returned to the real world, a broad curl of shame burning heavily behind her ribs, an uncomfortable counterpoint to the tight excitement in her belly. The place between her shoulder blades ached like a bruise, a hurt echoed in the palms of her hands. A lump stuck in her throat, and if she had been any less physically-controlled her face would have been burning red to match the crimson of her uniform. She swallowed hard and consciously deepened her breathing – she would not, could not let anyone see her distress. But she embraced the shame. She _should_ be ashamed of herself – maybe if she focused on that, she could somehow train herself out of these disgraceful emotions, as well as her body’s reactions to Seven. She squared her shoulders and crushed her desire into a compact ball just below her heart, relishing the painful sparks that her shame brought, and stared once more into the ship’s viewscreen. She _would_ master this, just as she had mastered everything else until now.

* * *

She sat stiffly behind her desk in the ready room, her head buried in her hands as she tried – unsuccessfully – to regulate her breathing and stop trembling. Seven had just left, and Kathryn couldn’t banish the memory of her flashing blue eyes and flushed cheeks. They had just argued, again, about her decision to let Icheb stay with his family. Her heart ached for Seven, who had clearly bonded so tightly to the young ex-drone. Her sadness was not only for Seven, however, but for herself as well. She had seen the anger and hurt in Seven’s face, the contempt for what she perceived as the captain’s illogical reasoning for her decision on Icheb’s future, and she knew that there was no way Seven would ever forgive her.

She had taken a certain amount of solace in the distant sort of friendship that she’d managed to cultivate with the Seven; it satisfied her desire to spend time with the beautiful young woman while constantly serving as a reminder of proper behavior towards her crew. Mentor-ship was fine; romance was forbidden. It also kept her shame well-exercised – a tangible presence within her body, an ache that she prodded constantly, to keep herself from slipping. But even that tenuous connection was probably gone now, and Kathryn was afraid that the loss would be too much for her. It seemed even shame was no match for the strength of her desire to be with Seven. She inhaled raggedly one more time and ruthlessly suppressed everything but her focus on the ship. She was the captain; no time for such distractions.


	2. Struggling

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Here's a little of Seven's point of view

Seven of Nine, Tertiary Adjunct of Unimatrix Zero-One, was troubled. Since the events surrounding Icheb’s return to his family and subsequent rescue from being re-assimilated, she had been more aware of the hormonal imbalances – emotions – that affected her behavior. Presently she was working her shift in Astrometrics, her hands keying in commands automatically, and her mind only partially engaged in analyzing the data streaming across her console. She was Borg; she could multitask. The rest of her considerable intellect was spent analyzing her actions and the circumstances of the past week and a half.

She felt guilt for the way she had behaved; her emotional connection to Icheb was no excuse for the way she had treated Captain Janeway. Even when her misgivings had been confirmed, she should have been gentler with the captain. Seven knew that Janeway had been trying to respect both Icheb and his parents, and she had also respected and understood Seven’s own reactions. But Seven had been too vehement, and she knew that she had damaged the friendship she had cultivated with Janeway; had perhaps even hurt Janeway in her anger. The captain seemed to be going out of her way lately to avoid her, and even when they met in the corridors or on the turbolift, Captain Janeway could barely look at Seven. Certainly she was no longer available for any impromptu private discussions or debates as she had been before. Seven missed her; she felt an emptiness that puzzled her and left her in a curious sort of distress whenever she thought about the time she had spent with the captain in the past.

Seven knew that she must endeavor to repair their relationship. Her inquiries in the ship’s database on how to fix a damaged relationship had told her that a simple apology might not be enough, and so she was determined to have a conversation with the captain. Perhaps talking about their emotions – however illogical those emotions may be – would be a good first step.

She noted the time – 1530 hours – and pressed her commbadge. “Seven of Nine to Captain Janeway.”

“Janeway here.”

“Captain, I request a private meeting with you this evening. It is very important that we speak.”

“Seven, I – ”

“Please, Captain. I must speak with you.”

An audible sigh came over the channel. “Very well, Seven. My quarters, 1700 hours.”

“Thank you, Captain.” Seven closed the channel and began planning the conversation she hoped to have.

* * *

 

Kathryn paced anxiously and somewhat irritably up and down the length of the front room of her quarters. It was 1656 hours and she was expecting Seven in just a few minutes. She hadn’t yet changed out of her uniform after her duty shift was over; she was hoping that it would provide a little extra armor during her meeting with Seven.

_What could she want to talk about? Likely more questioning my decisions about Icheb. Or perhaps she will call my command capacities into question – goodness knows I should have checked more closely into the circumstances surrounding Icheb’s assimilation. She might be right to doubt my abilities – the past six years have been a strain, and anyway, my mind flies right out the airlock whenever Seven’s around. Undisciplined, inappropriate, unfit to lead –_

The frantic circling of her thoughts was interrupted abruptly by a chime. _Seven_. She took a single deep breath, squared her shoulders and turned to face the doors. “Come,” she said firmly.

The doors hissed open and Seven strode firmly through into the room. Kathryn tried to smile at her, aware that it probably looked more like a grimace, and gestured at the small seating area. “Would you like to sit down? Can I get you anything to drink – water? Tea?”

Seven moved to the end of the couch closest to the door and sat stiffly. “Thank you, Captain. I do not require hydration at this time.”

Kathryn walked over to the replicator and ordered another cup of coffee, as much to give herself an extra moment to school her expression into the appropriate command mask as to get something to drink. Steaming mug in hand, she approached Seven and the seating area, taking the chair across from Seven.

“What did you need to discuss with me, Seven?” she asked with some trepidation.

“Captain, I must apologize. I erred in my reactions to your decisions about Icheb. I believe that I damaged you in some way. Certainly I have damaged myself.”

Kathryn fought to remain impassive, but she was surprised, to say the least. And still wary; she could not afford to let her guard down for a moment, although Seven’s proximity after over a week of avoiding her was, she admitted privately, enjoyable.

* * *

 

Seven of Nine watched her captain’s face more closely than ever before, her cybernetic eye registering Janeway’s micro-expressions and other minute physiological changes. She had already noticed an almost imperceptible increase in Janeway’s rate of respiration and a slight dilation of her pupils. As she studied Janeway, waiting for her response, Seven became aware that her own respiration seemed to have increased as well, and her mouth felt dry. _I am feeling nervous,_ she realized. Perhaps the captain was feeling similarly, which would account for the changes she had observed.

“Seven, I accept your apology, and I regret any damage you sustained due to my decisions about Icheb.” Janeway licked her lips anxiously, and then continued, “Is there anything else?”

Seven gazed intently at the captain, noting increased vasodilation in Janeway’s face and neck. She filed this additional data away for the moment, while she replied, “Captain, you have been avoiding me. I have counted 47 instances when you deliberately altered your course away from me in the corridors, and 15 instances when you refused to make eye contact with me when interaction was unavoidable. I wish to know why. And I do not wish for it to continue.”

Kathryn felt herself wanting to fidget and suppressed that un-captainly urge firmly, along with several others. Seven’s close study of her face made her face feel warm and her stomach flip, although a warning tingle between her shoulder blades and in her palms reminded her to re-focus on the conversation, and not on her body’s yearnings. She was also embarrassed that her avoidance of Seven had been so obvious, and she found herself groping for an acceptable explanation.

“I-I…am sorry you feel that way, Seven, but – ” she stammered.

Seven interrupted, “This is not merely my perception; others among the crew have noticed this change in your behavior.” She shifted closer to Janeway, deciding now to attempt one of the suggestions she had found in her database research: friendly physical contact. She reached out and touched Janeway’s shoulder, as she had seen the captain do on occasion. “I believe that my emotional outburst had a negative effect on our relationship, Captain. You are very important to me, and I miss spending time with you.”

Kathryn’s mind had stuttered to a halt; the only thing she could feel was Seven’s hand on her shoulder. She felt warm, then cold, then warm again, and the blood rushed loudly in her ears. She barely registered that Seven had said something else to her and turned to stare blankly at the taller woman. Seven felt concerned. The captain seemed to be malfunctioning as a result of her friendly gesture. Or perhaps she was angry – her face was flushed and her pupils were wide. In any case, she appeared to be speechless due to some kind of strong emotional reaction. Seven quickly withdrew her hand and stood up, clasping her hands formally behind her back. “Captain, I seem to have erred. I apologize once more. Goodnight.”

She strode quickly out of Captain Janeway’s quarters, feeling troubled. She needed to analyze the captain’s reactions. Perhaps more data would allow her to begin healing the distance between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, again, first fic ever. Clearly a multi-chapter fic was the way to go. Kudos and comments are much appreciated.


	3. Seeking

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ramping up the pressure on poor Captain Janeway.

_Oh, Katie, you’re in so much trouble_ , was the only coherent thought left in Kathryn’s mind at the moment. That, and the memory of Seven touching her shoulder, eyes wide in concern. Seven’s hand had been warm even through the layers of her uniform, and she had felt ripples of sensation spreading out from that soft touch. They were dissipating quickly now, replaced by a pounding headache and a roaring rush of humiliation. She had lost control of herself, however briefly.

She could only hope that the reason for her lapse hadn’t been too obvious to Seven; she didn’t think she could handle Seven knowing. Even beyond the embarrassment of having her feelings revealed unconsentingly to the object of her affection, Kathryn knew that Seven hadn’t exactly been discreet in the past when it came to sexuality. Her reaction to Harry Kim’s overt interest had become…legendary, having spread through _Voyager_ in a matter of hours. Kathryn groaned quietly, hiding her face in her hands. If Seven figured it out, well, she would be a laughingstock soon. She tottered over to the replicator and ordered three fingers of whiskey. It wouldn’t help, but maybe it would bring her a little sleep.

* * *

 

Seven had returned to Cargo Bay Two and was currently entering the data she had gathered during her time with the captain into her alcove. She supposed she could run another database search, or ask one of the crew – B’Elanna, perhaps – to help her figure out what the captain’s reactions could mean, but she had a strange feeling that she should try to keep this information to herself for the moment. No one would tamper with her alcove, and she could assimilate and analyze the new data while she regenerated later that night. In the meantime, she would ingest a nutritional supplement and then see if Naomi Wildman or one of the ex-Borg children would like to play Kadis-Kot before bedtime.

* * *

 

Kathryn woke reluctantly to her alarm at 0600 hours. Her mouth tasted cottony and her head still ached, although she was grateful for the few hours of sleep she had gotten. As she sat up and swung her legs around to get out of bed, every detail of the past night’s meeting with Seven flooded back. She could feel the blood rush to her face, and she whimpered weakly at the thought of facing the day. Perhaps, however, she didn’t have to. They were still in a quiet part of the Delta Quadrant; as long as she was available to her crew in emergencies, she could just stay in her quarters for the day. _That’s right, Katie, just run away from your problems. That’s gone well for you so far._ She snorted derisively at herself, but reached for her commbadge anyway.

“Janeway to Chakotay.”

“Yes,” came the light baritone of her First Officer.

“You have the bridge; I’m taking a personal day today. I will be available if necessary.”

“Yes, Captain. Understood; take care.”

Kathryn breathed an inaudible sigh of relief as she closed the channel and flopped gracelessly back onto her bed. She had to use this day wisely. Perhaps she should read up on the consequences of having a captain who ignored protocol in favor of a romantic pursuit – those protocols were built on precedents, after all.

* * *

 

“Regeneration cycle complete,” announced the computer as Seven opened her eyes. True to her plan the night before, she had used her regeneration time to assimilate the data she had gathered from her meeting with the captain. The conclusion she had reached troubled her slightly, but only because she no longer implicitly trusted her cortical implant, not after the time when she accidentally convinced herself of competing conspiracies aboard _Voyager_. She decided to consult Tuvok; she trusted his judgment and his discretion about all things. She would ask him after their duty shift was over; a little more time to analyze would not be a bad idea.

* * *

 

Seven walked briskly through the corridors on the way to Tuvok’s quarters. They had agreed to share a meal and a game of Kal-Toh, and Seven intended to ask about her conclusions over dinner. She hadn’t seen the captain all day, which was probably for the best. She found that her thoughts were affecting her efficiency, and personal contact with the captain would have been even more detrimental to her functioning.

She requested entry to Tuvok’s quarters, and walked directly to the table when Tuvok welcomed her in. There was already a large bowl of what she recognized as t’mirak rice steaming gently on the table, along with a crisp-looking salad and some kind of fragrant soup. Her eyebrow quirked slightly in appreciation; although she usually took her meals in the form of nutritional supplements, she did enjoy Vulcan cuisine for its subtle flavors, which she found easier on her still-sensitive digestive system than some of Neelix’s …experiments.

“Thank you for agreeing to dine with me, Tuvok. I find myself in need of an alternate perspective on an interpersonal problem.”

“Please share your concerns, Seven of Nine. We will speak over dinner, and then our game can be enjoyed with greater clarity.”

Seven began to lay out her evidence – both her personal observations of Janeway and the information she had gleaned from _Voyager_ ’s computer - in between bites of rice and salad and sips of soup. She tried to keep all hints of her troubled emotions out of this delivery, wishing for the data to remain untainted by illogic. Tuvok listened silently, expressionlessly, eating his meal neatly.

“…and so, Tuvok, I have reached a conclusion of sorts, but I find that I cannot trust myself. I value your input on the matter before I take any action.”

Tuvok laid down his utensils and steepled his fingers before him on the table. “Seven of Nine, I must agree with your findings. It seems that Captain Janeway is experiencing a degree of attraction to you. How do you wish to proceed?”

Seven felt her stomach lurch a little at this confirmation, and she could not help the slight flush that crept into her cheeks. “I believe I reciprocate this attraction. But I do not know how to proceed. Sexual relationships were irrelevant to the Borg, and I have only had one experience which could be classified as ‘romantic’. What do you suggest?”

Tuvok crinkled his forehead gently as he considered Seven’s question. “I believe you should attempt a ‘courtship’ with Captain Janeway. Humans are, in general, conservative about sexuality, and so it is best to start slowly, especially if you have misread the captain’s feelings in any way. Your social lessons with the Doctor should have given you some idea of what that entails, and the computer database has much more information about human courtship and mating rituals. I suggest you explore those files before you do anything else.”

Seven nodded gratefully and finished the last few bites of her salad. “Thank you, Tuvok. I will do so. And now, shall we play?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all know the drill. Kudos or comments if you like this fic. Affirmation=more writing.


	4. Stunning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway can't catch a break. Seven wouldn't want that anyway.

Kathryn walked blearily into her ready room the morning after her day off. The time away from her duties had not been restful, and she felt more exhausted than ever. She was making her way unsteadily over to the replicator when the door swished open. Turning to look, she saw Seven of Nine approaching her with what looked like a thermos.

“Good morning, Captain. I have brought you some coffee. I had the replicator include a few supplements which will add nutritional value. You have been looking a little tired lately; this will be more beneficial to you than regular coffee.”

Kathryn stared, feeling poleaxed. Her stomach swooped suddenly and Seven became…blurry for a moment. The feeling receded as quickly as it had come on, and she struggled to maintain her composure. She reached out to take the thermos from Seven, saying, “Thank you, Seven. It was very thoughtful of you; you know how much a Captain needs her coffee!” She laughed weakly and Seven smiled in return.

A tiny part of Kathryn’s mind marveled at how _gentle_ Seven’s eyes seemed, but she ruthlessly pushed the thought aside. The gesture meant nothing; Chakotay often brought her coffee, as did Neelix. Her attraction to Seven was simply coloring an innocent, friendly act, one perhaps meant to rebuild the bridge of their previous mentoring relationship. The logic of this reasoning steadied her and Kathryn smiled more confidently back at Seven. She strode over to her desk, placed the thermos on it, and then leaned on the top, hands flat against the smooth, cool surface, her command mask slipping into place.

“I also wanted to go over some anomalies I detected in Astrometrics last night, Captain,” Seven said, producing a PADD. “Is this a good time?”

Kathryn winced inwardly at the thought of hard data so early in the morning, but replied, with a heartiness she did not feel, “Of course, Seven. Please, take a seat.” She gestured at the small seating area and suited her actions to her words, sitting at one end of the curved couch. Seven glided gracefully over and sat next to her, her knee just brushing Kathryn’s. _Gods, why does she have to be so warm?! Down, Katie!_ Her stomach clenched, the ever-present tendrils of mingled shame and attraction crawling through her belly and up her spine.

Seven leaned toward Kathryn, PADD held up so that they could both see the screen, and began pointing out the anomalous data that she had logged.

* * *

 

_Well, this latest foray into ‘courting’ seems to have been successful,_ Seven thought to herself. She had enjoyed it. Now that Tuvok had corroborated her conclusions and she had taken the time to consider her own emotions, she found herself more aware of the captain. Or perhaps she was simply more conscious of that awareness? In any case she enjoyed it all: Janeway’s subtle perfume, the way her eyes changed from grey to blue, her slightly throaty voice, her controlled grace, her trim figure.

She brought up her mental checklist of steps to human courtship. The database had said that courtesy, small offerings, and occasional physical contact were all acceptable actions at the beginning of a romantic pursuit, and Seven was certain that she had incorporated each of them to an appropriate degree just now. She recalled that she had seen the captain’s heart rate and respiration change, especially when she had gently touched Janeway’s wrist to emphasize a point. She didn’t want to pressure the captain, but she also knew that she must take the lead in achieving a closer relationship.

Part of her research had been into the reasons why Janeway – _Kathryn,_ she thought privately – would be suppressing her feelings for Seven, and she had come up with several possible explanations. First, the social constraints around same-sex relationships, especially in Traditionalist groups. Second, the captain’s own reclusive nature – she disliked vulnerability. And third, Starfleet’s own restrictions about fraternization between captain and crew.

Seven was most concerned by the first potential reason. She had read all the available material on Traditionalism in the Starfleet database, and many of the messages about sexuality in general, and same-sex or otherwise “non-traditional” relationships in particular, struck her as limited and damaging when she analyzed them using her knowledge of Human psychology. Why would Humanity wish to crush the distinctiveness of some of its members? Did they not understand the importance of taking care of all aspects of an individual’s Self? Her time as a drone had allowed her to experience the lives and cultures of tens of thousands of individuals from thousands of species throughout the universe. The vast majority of them had no opinion on the validity of sexual relationships regardless of chromosomal, hormonal, or physical arrangement, as long as every individual involved was a consenting participant. Such an approach seemed vastly more efficient and ran no risk of degrading the perfection of individuals. However, the fact remained that Kathryn must have assimilated a variety of messages indicating that individuals desiring anything but heterosexual relationships were unacceptable or insufficient.

The other reasons for Kathryn’s reluctance to admit her attraction to Seven were no less important, but Seven felt confident that they would be more easily overcome. She resolved to remain cognizant of each explanation; hopefully her carefully-planned campaign of flirtation would reassure the older woman on all fronts.

She set part of her mind to thinking of how best to accomplish the next stage of her plans, and she continued her duty shift, acting, as always, with precision and efficiency. She did not notice the faint smile on her lips, but the unusual expression drew a few curious glances from her fellow crew members.

* * *

 

Kathryn, meanwhile, spent the rest of her shift hiding in the ready room. The extraordinary meeting with Seven that morning – _had Seven really brushed my wrist on purpose?_ – had been deeply unsettling, and she wasn’t sure she could remain composed if she saw Seven again that day. She dropped her head into her hands, hiding her face and letting her shoulders slump. She was so tired, tired of the Delta quadrant, tired of being the captain, tired of the incessant weight of responsibility, tired of being so _alone_. She took a deep breath and straightened her back, letting her command mask drop back into place, settling it like invisible chainmail over her shoulders. She must not show weakness. Her crew needed her strength; it was her fault they were here, and she had to carry them all through somehow.

She turned her attention to a task sure to take her mind off of her conflicted feelings about Seven: personnel reports. Repressing a shudder at the sight of the tall stack of PADDs awaiting her, she took the top one and resolutely began reading. It was a blessedly uneventful day in the Delta Quadrant, and it wasn’t until Tuvok walked quietly into her ready room that she looked up from the last of the PADDs, grimacing slightly at the tension that had accumulated in her neck and shoulders.

“Captain, it is nearly 1900 hours. You did not, to my knowledge, take a break for lunch, and I believe you should eat now.” Tuvok considered the woman in front of him. She looked haggard, and he was concerned.

At Tuvok’s matter-of-fact words, Kathryn’s stomach growled loudly, and she couldn’t help but flash him a crooked grin, amusement sparkling briefly in her tired eyes. “Who am I to resist such a persuasive argument?” she laughed. “Alright, Tuvok, let me finish going over this last report, and then I will have dinner.”

“If you wish, Captain, you would be welcome to join me in my quarters for dinner. I was planning to try a new recipe, and I would like your opinion.”

“Thank you, Tuvok. That sounds lovely; I don’t quite feel up to the mess hall tonight.”

Tuvok nodded and replied, “Excellent. I will begin preparing our meal. Please come whenever you have finished.” He turned and left the ready room as Kathryn smiled in acknowledgement and returned her attention to the PADD.

* * *

 

About half an hour later, she was making her way to Tuvok’s quarters. She was acutely aware of how empty her stomach was, as well as the faint beginnings of a headache. Dinner would help both of those problems, she knew, and she sped up slightly. She passed a few crewmembers in the corridor and nodded politely to each one, but did not stop to chat. There was one person she did not want to run into, and any delay increased the probability of such an encounter; Seven always returned to the cargo bay around this time, and this corridor was part of the quickest route. Seven was always efficient, after all.

Tuvok’s quarters were just around the corner. Kathryn briskly rounded the bulkhead only to collide with someone coming in the other direction. The other person was larger than she was – well, most people were – and she stumbled backwards. A strong grip on each of her upper arms saved her from an embarrassing tumble to the deck, and Kathryn gasped a garbled mixture of thanks and apologies as she finally looked whoever it was she’d run into in the eye. As soon as her eyes met the cool, blue gaze, she felt the blood drain from her face, and her words stuttered to a stop. With an effort, she closed her jaw with an audible click; a captain does _not_ gape like a fish. Seven looked gravely at Kathryn, a slight crinkle marring her perfect forehead.

“Captain, my apologies. Are you hurt?”

Kathryn stammered, her face flushing to match her uniform, “N-No, oh, no, Seven. I’m fine. My fault entirely, should have been more careful! I, hm, please, don’t let me keep you!”

She couldn’t take her attention off of Seven’s hands, which still grasped her arms, and her eyes, which seemed to bore into hers so intently. Tingles rippled out from those twin points of contact, and she could feel gooseflesh erupt over her entire body. Her stomach fluttered and her mouth went dry. Seven seemed to realize just then that she was still holding Kathryn, and she loosened her fingers, sliding them lightly down Kathryn’s arms. They lingered at her elbows for a moment more, then Seven let her arms fall back to her sides.

“I am glad you are not damaged, Captain. That would be unacceptable to me.” Seven smiled gently, her eyes warming almost imperceptibly, and stepped to the side so that Kathryn could pass her. “Good night.”

Kathryn’s mouth was still too dry to speak, so she just smiled weakly back, eyes wide, and stepped gingerly around her Chief of Astrometrics. She walked as quickly as possible to Tuvok’s door and requested entry, glad when the door opened immediately. She stepped inside and the door swished gently closed behind her; only then did she feel as though Seven’s gaze was not burning the back of her neck.

Tuvok greeted her courteously as he finished setting steaming bowls of a pasta and vegetable mixture on the table. When she answered his greeting shakily, he took a closer look at her face, noting her agitation.

“Are you feeling unwell, Captain? Do you require a visit to sickbay?”

“No, Tuvok, I’m just fine. I ran into Seven – literally - in the corridor, and it rattled me a bit. I simply need a moment.”

“Ah. Well, please, sit down. The meal is ready, and you could use some hot food, I’m sure.”

They both took a seat and began eating. At the first bite, Kathryn’s senses were flooded with delicious flavors, and she made a little noise of pleasure. She managed to take normal-sized bites instead of shoveling huge forkfuls of food into her mouth. Tuvok nodded in approval at her enthusiasm. After a few moments, she slowed down a bit, the edge taken off her hunger, and managed to ask a few light questions. She hadn’t spent much time with her Chief of Security lately, and she missed his dry wit and cool rationality. She could use a little of both at the moment.

The two talked casually over the meal, the conversation ranging from Tuvok’s latest plans for emergency drills to a new adventure holonovel that was all the rage with the crew. Kathryn thought that she kept up her end pretty well, although her mind drifted periodically back to Seven.

Tuvok could tell that the captain was still unsettled, and, based on his conversation with Seven the other night, as well as the captain’s obvious agitation after her run-in with Seven in the corridor before her arrival, he had an inkling why. He hadn’t really noted her reactions to Seven before, since emotional reactions didn’t interest him, but after many years of serving in Starfleet, he had become adept at reading the body language and facial expressions of many species. It was one reason he was such a good Chief of Security. He catalogued what he saw: tightness around her eyes, a flush that came and went in her face and neck, increased rate of respiration, the nervous flick of her tongue over dry lips, the stormy color of her irises. All of these details only confirmed the conclusion that he and Seven had come to; Captain Janeway appeared to be experiencing a heightened emotional response to Seven. She had always displayed a special level of care for Seven, but Tuvok knew that most assumed that she was acting more as a mentor. Perhaps Janeway herself had intended such a relationship at first.

Humans were frustratingly illogical about that sort of thing, and he hoped that a satisfactory settlement of the issue would be reached soon. He had definitely noticed Janeway’s growing fatigue, which came with increased irritability and decreased rationality. _Voyager_ needed its captain performing at peak capacity, and as long as she kept fighting herself, Janeway could not do so.

While normally he would applaud the effort to restrain emotions, humans simply should not repress them this strongly. It was unhealthy – any Starfleet Counselor would agree – and usually led to some kind of breakdown eventually. _Voyager_ could not afford that at all, and in the absence of a Counselor, Tuvok would have to do his best to stave off such a possibility. He respected Captain Janeway deeply, a feeling he knew to be mutual, and he was increasingly impressed with Seven of Nine. They would be a good match, and their partnership would be beneficial for Voyager.


	5. Seething

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Janeway's self-control continues to erode.

Kathryn returned to her quarters after spending the evening with Tuvok. Her old friend’s company was exactly what she had needed, and she hoped that she could now get some sleep. It had been a long few months. The constant effort to return her feelings for Seven to a more professional level was exhausting, and if she could only rest, she thought that she could continue to hold steady.

She slipped into bed, her pink nightgown sliding comfortably against her skin, and closed her eyes. Sleep came quickly, her fatigue overpowering everything else.

_Her body was suffused with warmth, as if she were wrapped in warm silk. Gentle hands caressed her face and ran through her hair, combing it back. Her eyes were closed, but she leaned into the touch, a soft sound of contentment whispering in her throat._

_Fingers trailed over the delicate curves of her ear, then drifted down to her throat, a feather-light touch that made her back arch slightly. Warm breath huffed against her cheek, and she felt a tickle as several strands of hair slithered over the skin. A delicious scent surrounded her – slightly minty, fresh and clean – and she wanted to return the caresses. She reached for her unseen lover, but her hands were pressed firmly back into the mattress, the message clear – she was not to touch._

_Her lover dragged maddeningly soft fingers up her arms and over her collarbones. Electricity seemed to follow in their wake, and she could feel her excitement rising. Her nipples tightened, yearning for her lover’s touch, and her breathing deepened. She stifled a moan, but her lover seemed to know what she wanted. Those fingers, warm, one hand wrapped in metal mesh, moved lower, tugging at the neckline of her nightgown and exposing her breasts to the warm air. She arched up as one of her nipples was engulfed in humid warmth, tongue rasping pleasantly on the sensitive skin. It was so good, so good, she wanted –_

Her alarm jerked her harshly back into the waking world, the place between her thighs damp and aching, her nipples still tingling from phantom stimulation. She groaned loudly and buried her face in her hands. More scraps of detail from the dream flooded her mind, and she felt the bottom of her stomach drop. _Seven, it was Seven touching her in the dream._

She couldn’t even escape these damned thoughts in sleep, couldn’t catch a break. She felt a knot rise in her throat, her body’s unfulfilled yearning warring with her fear and frustration and loneliness; on the verge of tears, she bit her lip hard, the pain briefly overshadowing everything else. She forced herself out of bed and to the bathroom to begin her morning ablutions. She had a lot to do today, and she needed to be ready for whatever Voyager encountered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh whoops a sexy dream; poor Kathryn. I know this is a short chapter; don't worry though, a lot more will happen in the next one! As always, as a brand new fic writer (not that this doesn't apply to more experienced writers), kudos and comments are my lifeblood.


	6. Shattering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and Seven work some things out.

Seven of Nine hummed a little tune under her breath. Her campaign of subtle flirtation with Kathryn had continued for a few weeks now, and she thought it was working. It was hard to tell, of course, because Kathryn was really quite controlled. But Seven had been paying very close attention, and she noted every blush, smile, startled glance, shiver, flinch, stiffening, every reaction she elicited from Kathryn. The captain seemed jittery and Seven knew she wasn’t sleeping very well. She had never told anyone, but she was still aware of her surroundings while regenerating. So she noticed each time Kathryn visited her alcove in the cargo bay. Kathryn’s command façade was usually down during those times, when she believed she was unobserved, and Seven could read the longing on her face.

She thought that perhaps the time was right to be a little more forward, and to that end she had scheduled two hours in the holodeck for that day, at 1900 hours. She had sent a rather vaguely-worded invitation to Kathryn to join her for “a dinner function, civilian attire requested.” The captain would likely be in her ready room at this point, so she was expecting a response soon. As if on cue, her console beeped with an incoming message. Kathryn had accepted. Good. She would make the necessary preparations.

* * *

 

At 1900 hours on the dot, Kathryn was standing outside the door of the holodeck. She didn’t know what to expect, based on the invitation Seven had sent her, so she was wearing one of her favorite dresses, a long, light blue silk with fluttery lace sleeves. It should be appropriate for a variety of situations, being relatively conservative but still flattering. She felt a bit nervous and hoped it didn’t show as she strode into the holodeck. The jovial atmosphere of Sandrine’s put her at ease somewhat, the background chatter and clinking glasses filling her ears as she looked around for her crew. The only one there at present was Seven, standing at the bar, looking stunning in a fitted, knee-length red dress. Suppressing another rush of nerves and trying to ignore the bolt of heat that shot to her core at the object of her secret desires, she smiled and approached the bar.

“Hello, Seven. It looks like I’m the first guest here.”

“Yes, Captain - ”

Without thinking, Kathryn interrupted, “Please, call me Kathryn; we’re not on duty here.”

Seven smiled and continued, “Acceptable. Kathryn. Actually, you are the only guest.”

Kathryn felt her own smile falter a bit at those words, even as she enjoyed the way Seven said her name. Her whole body tensed, her first instinct to flee. _Alone with Seven?_ She wasn’t sure she could handle it, but she also didn’t want to hurt Seven’s feelings. She had clearly been looking forward to spending some time with Kathryn; the eagerness shining in her face was proof enough of that. _Well, of course she wants to spend time with me; I’ve been avoiding her for weeks. I used to be available to her anytime, as a mentor, and she must have noticed that I’m…not so available lately._

“Oh, well then. What is the plan for the evening, Seven? Obviously not Velocity! Pool, perhaps?” The joke was a weak one, but Seven laughed anyway.

“No, not Velocity, Kathryn. I thought we could begin with a nice dinner, perhaps some wine? It has been a while since I engaged in a social outing, and I feel most comfortable with you. Our table is ready.”

She placed a gentle hand on the small of Kathryn’s back and led them over to a secluded table. She pulled out a chair and waited for Kathryn to sit before taking her own seat across the table. Kathryn was still trying to process the situation, which was starting to look a lot like a date. But no, it couldn’t be. She was taking a perfectly innocent dinner between colleagues – Friends? Mentor and mentee? – and turning it into something entirely different. She had to get a grip on herself. Just because she was infatuated with Seven did not mean that there was anything romantic going on here!

Fortunately, Seven did not seem to be too concerned with her companion’s silence, especially as the waiter appeared at that moment. Seven ordered confidently for both of them – Kathryn noted distantly that Seven had chosen two of Kathryn’s own favorites – and the waiter poured the bottle of wine that had been on the table when they sat down. With fingers that only trembled a little, Kathryn grasped the delicate wineglass and took a slightly-too-large sip. The wine was delicious, one she had never tasted before, and she welcomed the spreading warmth of the alcohol in her belly. A drink might help calm her nerves a bit. Gods knew she needed some calming.

She realized that Seven had asked her something. “I’m sorry, Seven, I was lost in thought. Would you repeat that?”

“I was simply wondering where you had acquired the dress you are wearing. It looks beautiful on you.” Kathryn flushed, the compliment reigniting the twist of desire she had felt when she first saw Seven at the bar. “Oh, I, well, I’ve had it for a while. I actually bought it back on Earth, perhaps 15 years ago. But you – your dress is lovely.” _Good save, Katie. Wouldn’t want to get too personal._ Kathryn’s sardonic inner voice was interrupted by the return of their waiter with a small basket of bread and a plate of spreads. She welcomed the distraction, and she was actually hungry, despite the Seven-induced nerves. She spread some herbed butter on a small slice of bread and ate it neatly; at least her table manners were still intact. Seven was also eating some bread, and the look of faint pleasure on her face was endearing and arousing at once. Kathryn knew that Seven didn’t necessarily eat solid food most of the time, preferring the efficiency of one of her liquid nutritional supplements, so it was a treat to watch her experience new flavors and textures.

Seven caught Kathryn’s gaze, her eyes twinkling, ocular implant quirked. “Are you enjoying yourself thus far, Kathryn?” Her voice dipped a touch lower on Kathryn’s name, taking on an almost purring quality. “The rest of our meal should arrive presently. I know you must be hungry.”

_You have no idea,_ Kathryn thought miserably, once again fighting to keep the physical evidence of her attraction to the younger woman from showing. She _was_ hungry, and for more than just food. She craved Seven’s body, certainly, but she also yearned to be understood, to shed her isolation and enjoy intimacy, both sexual and not, with a partner. This dinner was giving her glimpses into a reality she couldn’t have, and it was confusing, no, painful. All at once, she had to leave. She stood abruptly, heedless of politeness.

“I’m sorry, Seven. I – I suddenly don’t – I mean, I think – this was a mistake.” She turned to leave, fighting down the lump in her throat and the burning behind her eyes, and was startled to feel a hand wrapping around her right wrist. She whipped her head around, cheeks burning in embarrassment, to see Seven had also stood and was preventing her departure. “Seven! Please, let go!”

“Unacceptable, Kathryn. I do not wish you to leave.” Seven glided around the table, pulling Kathryn inexorably into her.

Kathryn did not have time to process what was happening before she felt Seven’s other hand cup the side of her face delicately. She arched her face up to Seven’s unconsciously, pressing her lips to Seven’s. Her mind reeled. She was kissing Seven, whose soft lips slowly opened under Kathryn’s mouth. And then, Seven was kissing her back, surrounding her with a heady mixture of silken steel, a gentle passion tempered by slight hesitation. Kathryn opened her mouth slightly, a whimpering sigh sneaking out of her throat without her permission. Kissing Seven was even better than she had hoped, better than in the heated dreams that had been tormenting her for so long. She wished it could go on forever, but at the same time she wanted more.

Then, a burst of laughter from the direction of the pool table pulled her painfully back to reality. She was kissing Seven and _she should not be_. Her sigh turned into a wrenching groan and she pulled away from Seven’s devastatingly delicious mouth. Seven quickly released her grip as if Kathryn’s skin had burned her.

The tears Kathryn had been holding back overflowed, running down her cheeks as she pressed the back of her hand to her mouth to stifle sobs. Waves of agonizing humiliation crested and broke over her; she couldn’t move or speak. She could only close her eyes and shake violently with the force of her emotions. _That wasn’t supposed to happen._ She wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. At last, she regained some control over her legs and began to walk quickly to the door of the holodeck, tears blurring her vision. If she hurried, maybe she wouldn’t run into anyone on the way back to her quarters.

“Kathryn! Wait, I - ” Seven’s normally smooth voice sounded alarmed.

“P-please don’t tell anyone! I’m sorry, Seven. I – that was wrong,” Kathryn choked out over her shoulder. “It won’t happen again.”

She was almost to the door when Seven spun her around, hands on her shoulders. The taller blonde gripped her firmly, a horrified expression on her face. Kathryn tried to shrug out of the hold, averting her eyes, unable to bear looking directly at Seven.

“Kathryn, do not go. You made no error.” Seven dared to move one of her hands then, the one without cybernetic enhancements, off of Kathryn’s shoulder and up to her face. She cradled the soft cheek, thumb gently brushing away tears, as she considered her next words.

“I have been on _Voyager_ for nearly three years now. It has not been easy, regaining my Humanity, but I have made significant progress. I credit you, Kathryn, for much of my development. It is because of my feelings for you that I have tried so hard to achieve a deeper understanding of my individuality. At first, I merely wanted your approval, but lately I have desired something else.”

She paused, trying to catch Kathryn’s eyes, wanting to communicate her sincerity in every possible way. The diminutive captain looked even smaller than usual, her fists clenched tightly at her sides, still ready to flee at any moment. Seven decided that she should forge ahead and try to convince Kathryn that everything was alright.

“Kathryn, I am attracted to you, and I have been for some time now. You have made no mistake by kissing me, and I apologize for the distress I inadvertently caused you. My intention was to show you just how much I value you, to treat you as you deserve. But I appear to have miscalculated. Please, can we talk about this? I believe I need to hear what you are thinking. I cannot bear knowing that I have wounded you so much.”

At Seven’s words, the tension drained from Kathryn’s body and she almost collapsed to the floor. Seven caught her, swiftly carrying her to the nearest chair. She sat, cradling Kathryn to her, doing her best to soothe the smaller woman.

“Kathryn,” she whispered, “I am here. You are safe.”

The ache behind Kathryn’s breastbone intensified at Seven’s firm embrace and soft words. She buried her face in Seven’s shoulder, unable to answer for the moment, throat tight. She didn’t know how long they stayed like that, Seven holding her, her heartbeat a comforting rhythm in Kathryn’s ear. At last, she began to speak.

It was as if a dam had broken, a flood of words spilling out of her mouth, half-muffled in Seven’s shoulder. She started at the beginning: her realization as a young girl that she was different from her friends. The needle-sharp words condemning people like her, the fear of being found out. Seeing others like her shunned or sent away. Her relief when she left the Traditionalist community for Starfleet. Meeting others who felt as she did, although never feeling comfortable revealing herself to them. Renewed hope of living a “normal” and “acceptable” life when she met Mark. The loneliness of being captain in the Delta Quadrant. The growing awareness of her attraction to Seven. The intense war between her upbringing, her emotions, and Starfleet regulations. Her fear of showing any weakness to a crew desperately in need of unwavering strength. Her confusion over Seven’s flirtatious gestures. When it was over, when there were no more words, she cried again, helplessly, tiredly.

Through it all, Seven never said a word, never moved. Her Borg-enhanced hearing caught every syllable and each minute crack in the husky voice. Her chest felt full, as if her heart had swelled and threatened to burst. She was, she realized, feeling compassion and remorse, as well as a deepening affection. Kathryn was even more extraordinary than she realized, so strong in the face of so much pressure, steadfast against so many obstacles to happiness. Seven wished that she had been more direct from the start; it had been a mistake to attempt subtlety, she knew that now. Now, she had to try to repair what had broken.

“Kathryn, thank you for trusting me. I have much to consider, but I can respond to several of your concerns right away. First, no one on Voyager would begrudge you a chance at happiness. Starfleet regulations never considered the possibility that a vessel would be so far from home. You have proven your strength over and over to everyone on board; do you think having Human needs is really a flaw?”

She stroked her fingers through Kathryn’s hair, some part of her marveling at its wonderful texture. She felt Kathryn’s body shudder in her arms.

“Second,” she continued, “I am not a member of Starfleet. As an independent contractor of sorts, fraternization restrictions do not apply to me. You have not compromised any part of your strong ethics by wanting to pursue a romantic relationship with me. Third, I am unequivocally interested in pursuing that sort of relationship with you, although, as I am sure you know, I have little practical experience. Finally, you are your own woman now. No one on _Voyager_ holds the - ” she struggled to control the anger that suddenly bubbled up in her, “ – the outdated, harmful, irresponsible, and _inefficient_ views of your Traditionalist community. And, if you do wish to attempt to be together, we can go as slowly as you require.”

At that, Kathryn finally raised her head to look wonderingly at Seven, her eyes red-rimmed, moisture clinging to her lashes. She was so beautiful, even in her distress; Seven wanted to kiss her again, but it was likely an improper time.

Kathryn wet dry lips, tongue flicking quickly over them before responding. “Thank you, Seven. I - yes.”

Something warm and bright kindled in Seven’s chest. “You are indicating a wish to conduct a romantic liaison with me?”

Kathryn smiled crookedly at that, her voice only cracking a little as she replied, “Yes, Seven. I am.” Her eyes flickered down to Seven’s mouth, then back up, grey-blue eyes meeting ice-blue. “May I,” she hesitated slightly before continuing, “kiss you again? I want this time to be because we’re both on the same page, so to speak.”

Seven only puzzled over this new idiom for a moment before she nodded affirmatively at Kathryn. She leaned down, pressing her lips gently to Kathryn’s. This kiss was even better than their first; it seemed to Seven that warmth was permeating her body, and she spared some attention to the myriad physical sensations she was experiencing.

Kathryn’s lips were very soft, and her own seemed to be quite sensitive. When she felt Kathryn’s tongue sweep tentatively over her bottom lip, she opened her mouth a fraction. She gasped at the new touch as Kathryn licked delicately into her mouth, and something low in her belly clenched. She needed to feel more of Kathryn; her hands tingled with the desire to stroke and knead her. Mindful of her strength – Kathryn was far from fragile, but her flesh and bone was no match for Seven’s Borg enhancements – Seven shifted so that she could run her hand up and down Kathryn’s back and side, caressing her as they kissed.

Kathryn moaned at the touch, her hand coming up to tangle in Seven’s hair. She tugged gently on the golden strands, encouraging Seven to continue her explorations. Her whole body yearned towards Seven, and her moan dropped to a growl as Seven’s hand dipped lower on her back, sliding over the curve of her hip. That noise startled them both, and they pulled apart a bit. They were panting a little, but Kathryn felt almost exhilarated. And, suddenly, amazingly aware that she hadn’t eaten since breakfast. Her stomach grumbled loudly, breaking through the haze of tension surrounding the women.

Seven, shockingly, giggled at the noise, her nose crinkling in amusement. “We should ingest nutrition now, it seems. We still have an hour left in the holodeck; will you dine with me, beautiful Kathryn?”

Kathryn chuckled and nodded, other hungers diminishing in the face of her stomach’s demands. Seven gestured at their waiter, who brought their dinner – the dishes that Seven had ordered a small eternity ago. They ate, Kathryn ravenously, Seven cautiously. Between bites they smiled and talked, beginning a lighthearted debate about the relative merits of French cuisine compared with Neelix’s creative cooking. At the end of their remaining hour, they stood just before the exit of the holodeck. Kathryn raised herself on her tiptoes to press a brief, light kiss on Seven’s lips, eyes flashing a brilliant blue.

“Next time, shall we meet in my quarters?” Kathryn asked, biting her lip nervously.

“Agreed.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aw yiss, strong!Seven and vulnerable!Janeway. No smut yet, but I promise I'll earn the Explicit rating soon. I do have to work up to writing decent porn, so hopefully my efforts will be...rewarding for you. You should let me know in the comments.


	7. Smoldering

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Seven and Kathryn have their second date.

It had been a week since the rather tumultuous date in Sandrine’s, and Kathryn kept flashing back to it - back to Seven’s hands, lips, hair, skin - at inopportune times. Now that she knew Seven returned her feelings, it was a lot easier to ignore the shame she felt at those thoughts. At least now she knew Seven wouldn’t be hurt or disgusted to know the way she thought about her, even if she still felt uneasy acknowledging her attraction to a member of her own gender. She was determined to make this work, however. Seven was right; she _did_ deserve to find happiness, and if Seven was part of that happiness, she would be stupid to fight it.

Feeling a little more confident in herself, Kathryn pressed her commbadge, “Janeway to Seven of Nine.”

“Seven of Nine here, Captain.”

“Seven, I was wondering if you’d like to join me for dinner tonight. 1800 hours, my quarters?”

“Affirmative, Captain.”

“Wonderful. Wear something comfortable; this is not a formal occasion.”

Kathryn suppressed a grin and closed the channel, already thinking about what she would prepare. Nothing too complicated, given her less-than-stellar replicator programming skills, not to mention Seven’s sensitive digestive system. She could hardly wait.

* * *

 

Seven, on her part, was buzzing with anticipation. She had spent the last week researching some of the finer points of human mating rituals, specifically those of a more … personal nature. Based on what Kathryn had said at Sandrine’s, she had never been with another woman before, and Seven had a suspicion that her sexual experience in general was rather limited. The amount of scrutiny Kathryn was under as a female captain would have made romance difficult back in the Alpha Quadrant, and Kathryn certainly did everything she could to downplay her appeal and emphasize her professionalism. So, Seven had set out to prepare herself for every eventuality. She wanted their lovemaking, whenever it happened, to achieve perfection.

At present, she was perusing _Voyager_ ’s replicator database for an appealing outfit to wear that evening. Her biosuits, while efficient and comfortable, able to adjust to a variety of environments, were hardly casual. She eventually settled on a tunic in a soft grey-blue knit (just the color of Kathryn’s eyes) and silky, black leggings. Inputting her personal measurements, she confirmed her order and took the small bundle back to the cargo bay.

Then, she turned her attention to the latest star charts of this sector. There was no excuse for slacking.

* * *

 

At 1800 hours, Seven stood outside of Kathryn’s quarters, back ramrod straight. She was nervous, and she clasped her hands behind her in an unconscious attempt to steady herself. At the firm announcement of her identity, the door swished open and Seven entered.

It was far from the first time she had been in Kathryn’s quarters, but the ambiance was different now. Kathryn had lit a number of small, scented candles and placed them around the front room, so that the gentle scent of roses and vanilla wafted toward Seven. The main lights were low, which was no obstacle to Seven’s augmented vision, but she appreciated the soothing, intimate quality.

As she walked further into the room, Kathryn finished setting plates of food on the small dining table and approached her. After a soft kiss on the cheek in greeting, she took Seven by the hand and led her to the table, urging her to sit.

“Hello, Seven. You look lovely. May I get you something to drink? A red wine would go well with the pasta, if you like.”

Seven smiled up at her and dropped a swift kiss on the palm of her hand, saying, “I will try the wine, Kathryn.”

Kathryn, pleasantly flustered by the brief caress, walked a bit unsteadily to the kitchenette and came back with the wine. After pouring them both a glass, she took her own seat and gestured for Seven to begin eating.

The meal was taken in a companionable silence, both women content to savor the combined flavors of food and drink. _Not a bad job, Katie_ , Kathryn thought happily. The universe had evidently decided that she deserved to serve Seven a decent meal that night. Seven hummed happily as she swallowed her latest mouthful, and Kathryn’s stomach fluttered. _Does she know that she’s making noise right now?_ Kathryn found it adorable and a bit exciting. She couldn’t help briefly speculating about the other noises she might elicit from Seven, and her cheeks glowed.

Seven noticed the flush and thought that Kathryn looked even more appealing than usual. She was suddenly more interested in Kathryn than in dinner, but she finished her portion anyway. If the evening led where she hoped, she would need the energy afforded by the meal.

Kathryn finished her own serving soon after and took both their plates to the kitchenette to be dealt with later. At that point, she seemed a bit lost, wringing her hands briefly before asking, “Would you like to stay and relax for a while? Perhaps watch a holovid or listen to some music?”

Seven stood and moved closer to Kathryn, eyes gentle. “That sounds very pleasant, Kathryn.” She reached up and brushed Kathryn’s hair back, fingers grazing the tops of her ears, before walking over to the small couch and sitting down. Kathryn cleared her throat and joined Seven, curling slightly against her side.

“Computer, please play a selection of Enaran solo pieces. Volume at 30 percent.”

As the hypnotic music filled the silence between them, Seven began stroking Kathryn’s arm, which was left bare by the light tank top she was wearing. She watched in fascination as the fine hairs on Kathryn’s arm stood up, her fingers tracing random swirls on the soft skin.

Kathryn shifted closer to her, placing the arm that wasn’t the object of Seven’s exploration on the back of the couch. Bracing her elbow on the cushion, she slid her fingers over the velvety skin of Seven’s jaw. Obeying an impulse, she tenderly traced the starburst implant there; she was intrigued by the seamless transition from skin to metal. The soft moan that left Seven’s mouth seemed to settle hotly between Kathryn’s thighs.

“Is this alright?” Kathryn asked, almost afraid to speak.

“Yes,” Seven hissed. “Do not stop. It is only that the skin around my implants is quite sensitive.”

Kathryn filed this tantalizing fact away and continued to run her fingers over the area, daring to branch out to Seven’s ear, to her brow, to her lips. A faint flush started to spread up Seven’s neck, soon blazing along her cheekbones. Her mouth hung slightly open, and faint sounds of pleasure fell from her lips continuously. Kathryn’s breath grew shallow with her increasing excitement, and she let her fingers trail down Seven’s neck to her collarbone. Seven’s hands clasped her waist tightly, pulling her fully onto Seven’s lap. Kathryn shifted so that she was straddling Seven’s legs, knees up on the seat of the couch, hands never ceasing their gentle exploration of the flawless skin left bare by the scooped neckline of Seven’s tunic. Seven’s skin was smooth and hot, so hot it almost burned to the touch. Kathryn wanted to feel more of it. She slid one hand around the back of Seven’s neck, slipping her fingers down the back of the tunic to trace the outlines of vertebrae and scapulae; the other hand dropped to Seven’s hip. She tugged lightly at the draped fabric and caught Seven’s pleasure-hooded eyes in a silent question.

The color staining Seven’s cheeks deepened further, but she nodded firmly and let go of Kathryn’s waist to allow her a greater range of motion. Kathryn scooted back slightly on Seven’s knees and slowly, hesitantly inched her hand under the hem of Seven’s tunic. Her fingertips brushed more of that impossibly silky flesh before encountering another implant. She traced delicately over it, watching Seven’s face for any discomfort and seeing none. In fact, Seven arched into her hand, as if encouraging Kathryn to use more pressure. She did, and then Seven drew her down into another kiss, this one all teeth and tongue and panting breaths. The liquid heat in Kathryn’s core was spreading throughout her body, burning in her face, tightening her chest, sensitizing her skin. The press of her breasts against Seven’s was delicious and maddening and too much but no, no it wasn’t _nearly_ enough; and all she could do was gasp and hold Seven more tightly, palm flat against a tight stomach striped with slick metal.

At Seven’s answering moan, a sound that seemed to rise from deep within her, Kathryn realized just how quickly all of this was moving. As much as she wanted to make love to Seven now, she also wanted to wait. She hated to admit it, but part of her fervor stemmed from fear, and from the desire to _make Seven hers_ , and that wasn’t fair. Seven deserved for her first experience to be full of passion and affection and respect, and tonight was simply not the right time. And, if she were being honest, Kathryn herself wanted to wait, to savor the anticipation a little while longer, as well as to give herself a little more time to wrestle with the painful feelings about her sexuality that she’d carried with her since childhood.

So, she gentled her lips against Seven’s mouth, drawing their frantic kiss into a more languid rhythm. Her grip on Seven eased, fingers feather-light against overheated skin, and she felt Seven’s body relax under hers. As they drew apart, Kathryn gave Seven a playful peck on the nose, smiling tenderly at her. She was still quite aroused, so close to giving in to her body’s demands, but she drew on decades of self-control and slid gingerly off Seven’s lap.

“Kathryn?” Seven whispered, a slight furrow in her brow and confusion in her eyes.

“It’s alright, love; I just wanted to slow down a little. We have so much time to be together, and I want our first time to be - ”

“Perfection,” Seven finished her sentence. “An admirable goal, my Kathryn.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As promised, I'm building up to some smut for y'all. I promise it will happen in the next chapter; it just didn't feel quite right here.


	8. Striving

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kathryn and Seven reach an understanding.

_Flawless_ , Seven thought to herself as she stroked Kathryn’s back, her exquisitely sensitive fingertips cataloguing every twitch and shiver, mapping out the delicate tracery of bone and muscle. Having Kathryn on her lap like this had quickly become her favorite way to end each of their dates over the last couple of weeks. Seven trailed a finger down Kathryn’s spine, stopping only at the waistband of the loose pants she wore. Kathryn arched almost violently in reaction, head thrown back and chest heaving, and Seven felt her mouth go dry. Although she grew a little bolder every time, they had yet to “go all the way”, as some of the old Earth literature she had read put it. In fact, they hadn’t even gone so far as to disrobe, even partially. Kathryn found this quite amusing, saying that they were “necking like teenagers”, whatever that meant. Seven was fairly certain that necks were only a peripheral part of copulation for Humans.

In any case, Seven _had_ managed to divest Kathryn of her blouse that night, and Kathryn’s chest made for a mouth-watering sight. The bra she was wearing was definitely _not_ Starfleet-issue: strapless, its ivory lace and satin cupped Kathryn’s small breasts beautifully, the imprint of her nipples evident after Seven’s determined teasing. Seven dipped her head and ran her tongue over one of them, dampening the fabric and drawing a gasp of surprise from Kathryn. Worried that she’d gone too far, Seven started to withdraw her mouth, only for Kathryn to tangle her fingers in golden hair and pull her firmly back.

“Please!” Kathryn moaned. “Oh, please, darling!” The roughness in her voice seemed to drip down Seven’s spine, and she huffed in response, drawing more of Kathryn’s breast into her mouth.

She wanted to taste Kathryn, to nip and suck and lick her everywhere. With a deftness that surprised them both, she unhooked for the clasp at Kathryn’s back with her cybernetic hand. The bra slipped downward, exposing Kathryn’s breasts fully to Seven’s eager gaze. The small, dark nipples were fully erect, begging for more stimulation, contrasting deliciously with creamy, lightly-freckled skin. A delicate flush rose up Kathryn’s chest as Seven stared, and she squirmed slightly in Seven’s lap. Seven had never seen anything so beautiful, and at last she leaned forward to taste.

* * *

 

As Seven’s exquisite mouth closed over her nipple, Kathryn arched into her, a broken moan spilled from her. Sparks shot directly to her cunt; she was so hot, she was going to burst into flames if she didn’t get more, more of Seven, Seven all over her, touching and tasting and _fucking_ her. Her fingers tightened in Seven’s hair, and she ground herself against Seven’s stomach, seeking more contact. Seven bit down slightly on her breast in surprise, the pain just on the edge of too much.

“Fuck, Seven, I need –” she broke off with a sharp cry as Seven moved her hands, the cybernetic one to her other breast, the other to the curve of her ass, urging her to grind harder. She could feel how wet she was, and she was sure Seven could, too.

“Please, darling, I want us – bed!” Sentences were hard at this point; she just craved sensation.

Without hesitation, Seven stood, still holding Kathryn against her body, and strode into the bedroom. Kathryn gasped at this show of strength. When they reached the bed, Seven placed her almost delicately in the middle of it and stopped to look at her. Kathryn felt a twinge of self-consciousness, suddenly realizing that, while she had been divested of half her clothing, Seven was still fully clothed, if a trifle mussed from their current…activities. She smiled wryly at her soon-to-be lover and said, “I think you’re a bit overdressed, sweetheart.”

At her words, Seven immediately reached to the hem of the short dress she was wearing and drew it over her head in one smooth motion. Kathryn gaped for a moment, drinking in the sight of smooth skin and glistening metal, covered now only by a few scraps of black satin.

In an uncharacteristic show of nerves, Seven twisted her hands together in front of her, asking, “Is this acceptable, Kathryn? My research indicated that one usually wears ‘lingerie’ for a sexual encounter. I wished to be prepared for every eventuality.”

Kathryn could feel her mouth water and her lips stretch in a huge grin. “You are absolutely correct, Seven, and your preparedness is commendable. Let me show you just how pleased your captain is.”

Seven climbed eagerly onto the bed, laying down on her side, facing Kathryn. Realizing that she was now the one wearing too much, Kathryn wriggled out of her pants as Seven watched. Seven reached out to trace a line from her jaw to her hipbone, and Kathryn thrilled at the touch, the sweet ache between her legs intensifying once more. Seven seemed to realize the effect she was having and did it again, this time leaning over to mouth at Kathryn’s breasts again. Kathryn moaned and spread her legs slightly, wriggling her hips. Her breath came short, chest heaving, and fine droplets of sweat glistened at her temples. As Seven’s fingers teased at the waistband of her panties, she whimpered in assent and almost sighed in relief as Seven’s long fingers drew down this last piece of clothing.

Those long fingers stroked gently over her mound, not daring to press between the outer lips just yet. Kathryn’s hips bucked at the tantalizing touch and she felt more moisture gather at her entrance. At last, after a few more teasing passes over the sensitive skin, Seven opened her up delicately. The first touch of her fingers to Kathryn’s swollen clit was almost overwhelming, and she suppressed a sob. Lightly, slowly, Seven began to trace circles over and around it, occasionally dipping down to tease Kathryn’s entrance. As the hot, sweet tightness inside her built and built, Kathryn realized hazily that she was moaning continuously. Seeming to sense how close she was, Seven brought her other hand to circle gently at Kathryn’s entrance. Beyond words, Kathryn pressed up into Seven’s hand, begging for more. Seven entered her slowly, still circling her clit, and simply _pressed_ , curling her fingers into that spot just inside her, rocking her hand slightly.

The sensations rose and rose, engulfing Kathryn as they broke over her. She arched violently, light and heat and exquisite pleasure-pain lanced from her core through her entire body. Her cunt clenched and pulsed around Seven’s fingers, drawing her lover deeper inside. She floated, trembling as aftershocks rolled through her, and as she slowly came back to herself she realized that her face was wet with tears. Seven drew the final shudders of pleasure from her and then gathered her up, cradling her.

“Beautiful Kathryn,” she repeated over and over, a soothing mantra whispered in her ear. Kathryn was content to luxuriate in the sensation of being held, of being cared for, of being free of the heavy burden of captaincy for just a little while.

* * *

 

Seven was amazed that _she_ had been the one to cause such a breathtaking display. The chance to bring pleasure to the usually so-controlled Kathryn Janeway was a heady experience, and her head swam with a combination of amazement and arousal. While she was focused on Kathryn, she hadn’t noticed her own growing excitement, but now that her lover was panting and sated in her arms, she realized her need. She squirmed slightly, trying not to draw attention to it, just in case Kathryn did not wish to reciprocate. Her movement, as she pressed long thighs together, caught Kathryn’s attention, however, and a wicked smile grew on her face. Eyes twinkling, Kathryn asked teasingly, “Seven, darling, is there something I can help you with?”

Seven whimpered a little at the extra roughness in Kathryn’s voice and looked pleadingly at the smaller woman. With a chuckle, Kathryn moved to hover over Seven on all fours, looking down at her. Seven thought she had never seen a better view than that, and she licked her lips in anticipation. Kathryn sat back, straddling Seven’s thighs, and moved her hands to Seven’s breasts, opening the front clasp of her bra. The two halves fell to either side of Seven’s chest and Kathryn’s nimble, clever fingers plucked at sensitive, pink nipples. She pinched and rolled them in delicious torment, each tweak sending a bolt of electricity straight to Seven’s clit. Seven felt herself opening, as if her body were hungry for more of Kathryn’s touch. She grabbed one of Kathryn’s hands and guided it down to her hips.

Looking deeply into her eyes, Kathryn toyed idly with the scrap of satin until Seven thought she would combust. At that, Kathryn slipped her hand under the waist, stroking firmly over engorged, slick skin. Seven cried out sharply and spread her legs more widely to give Kathryn’s hand freer reign. After a few more passes over the tender flesh, Kathryn moved down Seven’s body, taking the panties with her. For the first time, Seven felt a flash of insecurity; what if Kathryn was displeased with what she saw? She tried to close her legs and reached down to tug on Kathryn’s shoulder, attempting to bring her back up. But Kathryn stayed where she was, hands on her thighs.

“Seven, you are so beautiful. I just want to look at you for a moment; will you let me?”

Seven bit her lip and nodded, closing her eyes and waiting.

Kathryn’s small hands gently urged her thighs further apart, opening her up completely. She could feel how slick and swollen she was, and she desperately wished Kathryn to touch her again. She must have indicated that desire somehow, because suddenly she was engulfed in soft, warm, wetness. _Kathryn’s mouth_ , she realized. She felt a strong tongue glide over her entire vulva, and she quivered. After a few more broad strokes, Kathryn’s tongue honed in on where she needed it most, circling around and over her aching clitoris. Each lick, so delicate yet so powerful, stoked her need; she couldn’t seem to stay still, alternately pushing into Kathryn’s face and pulling back in overstimulation.

Her body was on fire, jolts arcing up her spine bringing tears to her eyes. She felt a pressure building between her legs and she grasped wildly at Kathryn’s head, her broken moans and desperate gasping spurring Kathryn on. Her tongue moved faster, flicking over the sensitive bud, and suddenly Seven couldn’t breathe anymore, couldn’t move. She was flying, no, falling, as wave after wave of pulsing ecstasy washed over her. She felt Kathryn continue pleasuring her through her orgasm, and she came again, bucking hard; a cry of delight slipped past her lips and then, suddenly, it was too much – she was too sensitive.

“Kath- _Kathryn_ , stop! Please!” She plucked at every part of Kathryn she could reach, wanting to be held. Emotions and sensations were swirling within her, and all she could think was that Kathryn would anchor her, Kathryn would keep her from flying apart completely. She felt Kathryn’s arms wrap around her and pressed her face to warm, soft skin. For some time she simply existed in Kathryn’s arms, letting her lover’s presence guide her into a more balanced state. As she regained control of herself, she realized that Kathryn was murmuring praise and endearments into her ear.

Seven enjoyed the sensation of Kathryn’s wiry body wrapped around her for a moment more, then she moved, placing soft kisses on every part of Kathryn she could reach. When she looked into Kathryn’s eyes, she was surprised to see the glisten of tears. She tentatively lifted her human hand to brush at Kathryn’s cheek. The concern she was feeling must have been evident on her face - her usual, apparently emotionless façade thoroughly ruined by their previous activities – and Kathryn gave her a wobbly smile.

“It’s alright, darling. I’m just a little overwhelmed; I never thought this night could happen. And now that it has, well, my emotions are getting the better of me.”

Seven didn’t have a good reply for that, so she simply gathered Kathryn to her, letting her actions speak for her. That seemed to be just what Kathryn needed; Seven felt her gradually relax, succumbing to the warmth and softness of Seven’s body. After a few minutes, her Borg-enhanced hearing discerned the faintest change in Kathryn’s breathing pattern; she was regen – sleeping. Seven smiled tenderly down at her; she looked younger in sleep, the tension in her face, her command mask, smoothed away completely. But the strength and character remained. Seven remained motionless, watching her lover, and gradually she, too, slipped into dreams. Her last thought, following her down into languid unconsciousness, was that it had been, as they had both hoped, _perfection_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, here it is, folks! At last, we earn the E! This was an incredibly difficult chapter to write, and I hope that you enjoy it.   
> This story is complete, but I'm open for suggestions if you'd like to see other scenarios played out.

**Author's Note:**

> Well, so this is my first fanfic ever. I hope y'all like it, and it would mean a lot if you'd take a second to leave kudos or a comment. Feel free to share constructive criticism or tell me what you really liked/didn't like.


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